Somewhere (Friday, December 24, 2010) (161)

Somewhere is Sofia Coppola's latest film... though to call it a real movie with a legitimate plot would be stretching a lot. It's almost an existentialist art piece, like a work by Camus or Beckett... but of course not nearly as good as those (OK - and it's sorta insulting to those masters to compare this turd to them).

Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff) is a Hollywood superstar who is taking some time off between gigs at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles. He doesn't seem to have a home - this seems to be it for him. He has a few friends who stop by, including a guy played by Chris Pontius of Jackass.

Sometimes he and his friends throw big parties, most of the time he stays to himself in what appears to be a light depressive state. His publicist calls him a few times when he has to go do some photo shoots or whatnot for his last projects. Two times he calls up twin blond strippers who do a show for him in his room (and we watch their entire shows both times)

One day his daughter, Cleo (Elle Fanning) is dropped off in his room by his ex wife. He seems to be a good dad, but somewhat limited in his connections to her. They play Rock Band or he goes to watch her figure skate. One day they go to Italy where he has some press stuff to do for his latest movie. Cleo has to watch as his dad tries to fuck as many women as he can, while still being a good dad (he's actually pretty good at doing both, and she's pretty good at letting him lie to her).

That's basically the whole movie. Throw in a terrible moment when Johnny calls a woman on the phone an whines, "I am nobody..." (Ugh, really? I mean that's a terrible, terrible line.)

The whole film has an interesting feeling, like it's just about to get revved up and will start being interesting at any moment, but it never really does. Parts of it feel like Vincent Gallo's The Brown Bunny, where nothing happens and you're waiting the whole time for a plot to emerge... but there's not even any gross oral sex here (although there are a lot of naked tits... which I guess goes with the movie star world Johnny lives in, "though I think Sofia could have done without them, honestly" - Eve Ensler).

The film has a nice look and the acting by Dorff is very nice. Elle Fanning is probably the best part of the film. She shows she has some real chops here and I look forward to seeing her in another serious role. But there's nothing really here and at times it really does sound and feel totally pretentious. I guess the point is that Johnny has surrounded himself with stuff (he drives a Porsche, he lives in a fancy hotel, he fucks all the hotties he wants, he takes his daughter to camp in a helicopter), but he's empty on the inside. That's the worst kind of banality that would make even Ivan Ilyich weep.

Stars: 1.5 of 4