I watched this movie only an hour ago and yet I can't explain what the fuck happened in it - aside from a ridiculous t&a show by Megan Fox.... ahh....
This movie was a gigantic piece of shit. It's not totally clear what is going on in it. As far as I can tell, there's an old robot (uh, a decepticon) named The Fallen (yes - the title refers to one robot called The Fallen, rather than the Fallen being a singular collective for, say, fallen robots or something... who cares...) who was on Earth in 17,000BC and now is back. Apparently Optimus Prime was around then too (I think) - which means that they had tractor trailers back then (I think)? So Shia LeBeouf has to find a magic metal key inside the temple at Petra and do something with it.... and apparently the pyramids at Giza are in Jordan - or Petra is in Egypt ... I'm lost. At any rate, robots blow the crap out of the pyramids and other archaeological sites there. Oh, and Megan Fox has a great ass and runs a lot so you can watch her boobs bounce... I think that's the main thing I got from the movie.
Seriously, director Michael Bay's treatment of women here is totally ridiculous. I would be offended by this if it was not entirely a 13 year-old boy's wet dream and totally dumb and not worth my hatred. All of the women here are hyper sexualized and none have any background character. In the first 20 minutes of the movie, we see Fox in super short cut-off jeans, a patent leather body suit and a tiny white dress... oh - and she CAN'T ACT AT ALL (get the money while you can, sister). She's really, really, really terrible when she opens her mouth to speak. There's another tits on legs, er, I mean girl at Shia's school... and all she wants to do is screw him... Interestingly, there are no female Autobots - because women have a secondary role in the robot world too, I guess....
Then there are the ridiculous twin black Autobots who speak bad jive as if they were in a joke of a Tyler Perry movie... they were really shocking and embarrassing.
Whatever - this movie sucked. It's half star is given entirely to Megan Fox's boobs and butt.... Brilliant!
Stars: .5 of 4
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You clearly don't recognize the genius of Michael Bay, namely that he is the Sergei Eisenstein of our era. You know those sequences in Bay's films where you can't tell what the fuck is going on? IT'S ALL AN HOMAGE TO EISENSTEIN!
ReplyDeleteYes - good point - he uses plastic imagery brilliantly... like Megan Fox's tits... I saw them and they made me smile and then I saw them again and I weapt... brilliant!
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